My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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