i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
