Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
