Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
