I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
