on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
