Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
