I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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