My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
