I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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