My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.