do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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