Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
