My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
