now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
