after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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