Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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