In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
