I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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