and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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