The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
