I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
