he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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