we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
