I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
