Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
