Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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