Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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