it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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