i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
