She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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