I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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