All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
