listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
