sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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