best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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