I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
