The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
