Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
