if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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