doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
