At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
