this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
