Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
