Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
