she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
