Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
vagina is talking i cant
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
