she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
