Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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