All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
