Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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