Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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