Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
