I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
