Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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