he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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