Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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