there's paper in my vomit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
