She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
