Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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