I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
