Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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