He asked to "fluff my boner.."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
