I could make wine with my vomit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
