I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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