youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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