You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
