Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
