i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
