I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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