The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
