either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
