You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
