I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
