Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
