i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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