I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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