Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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